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Monthly Archives: June 2012

ok really, this is how my whole life works, i just wrote a full page of my day and update on acupuncture and it deleted some how, I GIVE UP, I CANT TAKE ANOTHER MIN OF THIS PAIN AND HIGH TEMPS. maybe another time. sorry UGHHHH. GOD HELP ME TO KEEP SANE



I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE:( I am loosing control and falling into depression, its SO HARD to motivate and do anything, I’m loosing the fight, I’m tired of hurting badly and much can God give us till will break. I Know he doesn’t give us what we cant handle, but I wish he wouldn’t give me so much all at once..HELP…UGH.

TOMORROW one more day and I have an appointment with the acupuncturist, if we can get this pain in control, then maybe I wont be so tired and depressed all the time. PLEASE GOD HELP ME BE FOR IT’S TOO LATE. AMEN

falling into the booze routine tonight, WHY? it makes me FEEL BETTER, can you say it does not? AHHHH but I am tired now, and for some reason I want to write, I have so much to say, and yet…………….IT’S TO DIFFICULT TO TYPE.:( UGH              I THINK I MAY BE FALLING FROM THE  ” I’M GONNA DO GOOD AND TRY HARDER” SHIT. why try if SO MANY PEOPLE BRING YOU DOWN?. I DON’T HAVE THE STRENGTH ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM GROWN. DOES THE DRAMA END? REALLY? WHEN? YA, I THOUGHT YOU SAID NEVER.      To a certain someone, you know who you are. I DON’T MEAN YOU.

It has been now  over a week, since the incident I am about to discuss happened, It has bothered me till no tomorrow, i wish i was a fast typer so i could quickly bring you up to date, but to make a long story a little shorter I will begin with  this…..

My ex and I were together for 23 long years, great times, hard times, the usual,  i didn’t NEED for anything FINANCIALLY. emotionally and physically is a whole different story, but for now, the FINANCIAL part is all we need to mention to get my point across in all this drama. I  have been with my NEW  boyfriend now for 3 years, he has 2 yes TWO EX WIVES I NEED TO DEAL WITH, red flag right there right? ya well…… those 2 ex wives came 3 yes THREE CHILDREN, another RED FLAG, all boys. I have one daughter who is now 16, and independent and great in school, etc…anyhow……..I left my life of  ” HAVING LIFE BY THE BALLS, NOT NEEDING FOR ANYTHING, HAD BOATS(of every kind),SNOWMOBILES, DIRT BIKES HOT TUB, 2 MIN WALK TO PRIVATE BEACH, THE BEST NEIGHBORS AND BOUGHT ANYTHING I WANTED, ANYTIME, YOU GET THE PICTURE…….BUT…..HE has cheated on me more than once and I finally got fed up with it, after I found out he cheated on me with someone very dear. I found this out AFTER she had passed away. so all the broken pieces can never be full again… I let my guards down, and in doing so I met the most wonderful man, who treats me with so much love I never knew  possible… soon i was swept off my feet, falling in love on the walks leading to our picnics, chuckling, being silly, saying silly things, waiting to hear from him the next day….ahhhhh I AM GETTING carried away huh,? sorry I got lost in the moment. lol. But actually I hurt already from sitting here writing and i need to rest my body. for it is fit for SPASMS any minute, seeing i am coming slowly out of a bout of  Fibro, again i ramble, i need not to explain. i will say i guess i will call this ”SHORT STORY” chapter one..    TO BE CONTINUED……. GOOD NIGHT ALL, GOD BLESS AND PEACE.

I hope you all are well, been a few days, my pain levels and fog has taken a toll on me for over a month, with very little relief, i have decided and have made an appt, with a acupuncturist:) thanks to a few of you, you know who you are. I appreciate all your support, GOD BLESS EVERYONE, I HOPE YOU FIND A SMILE TODAY, know you are in my prayers. PEACE

OH THE WHYS?…. they get me EVERYDAY,(WHY?)I often feel bad for myself, I can’t help it. I felt alone for so long. and the one person who REALLY UNDERSTOOD ME,(my sister) has died a couple of years ago,(WHY?) FROM A BROKEN HEART, SO THEY SAY. BUT SHE WAS UNDERGOING TEST TO FIGURE OUT IF SHE HAD  M.S. or FIBRO. My mom and my daughter are supportive but I try to hide a lot from them.(WHY?) I don’t want to worry them so much.My ex of 23 years NEVER GOT IT, and always made like I was faking, “WHY”  in the world would I fake something so painful and debilitating?   I have since fell in love with a great man, who doesn’t fully understand, but tries so hard and researches the fibro for me:)WHY HE MUST REALLY LOVE ME. he  rubs me down everyday and makes me slow down(which is good) so nice haven support, I am lucky. and  ahh FIBRO FOG…..Is so bad in the morning because I am literally in a daze for a few hours, I cannot think AT ALL, I HATE IT, I AM GRUMPY AND SNAPPY(is this normal?) the cloud usually lifts after a few hours, but I am easily confused and memory is horrible, I thought it was not associated with fibro fog, but I see now it is fibro fog just at a different level. which I can deal with. as happy as I am, that I am not the only person feeling this way. it brings me to tears(literally) reading some of your blogs. I feel for you, and just know as I have learned we are not alone. “WHY?” BECAUSE NOW WE HAVE EACH OTHER.  PEACE

Little Robin fell from the tree, mom and dad I didn’t see, was just trying to fix her up, i shouldn’t have tried to pick her up, all the noise they did make, oh boy a BIG MISTAKE, they flew angrily around my head pecking every chance  that they got, I threw the box over my head and ran to the safety of my shed. was a while before they went away, poor baby bird had to stay. I just wanted to shelter here and keep her safe and warm, afraid she would not make it, my heart would be so torn. I love Gods creations and try to do whats right, I hope the little birdie makes it through the night.Image

she looks a lot bigger in this pic, which I actually took with my crappy cell phone, as you can see I was very close. again I wrote it into a poem, wasn’t suppose to be, the words that I need to write just come together perfectly. ha-ha    GOOD LUCK LITTLE ONE. and PEACE