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Category Archives: peices of my story

  It seems EVERYTHING in my life is getting worse again, from the pain to the bipolar and anger:(  I have felt so horrible for a few weeks and just when i thought it couldn’t get worse, IT DID. 

I have been accused by so-called good friends that i had cheated once on my boyfriend, with her brother. in which by the way her brother at the time one of my best friends. to make a long story short, the couple kept asking me and the brother if we had ever had sex together, we said no way, and he stated that i was the most faithful person he ever met, and believe me he’d know, we did spend a good amount of time together, i knew he wanted us to be a couple, but i was never interested in that way, not to mention i am MADLY IN LOVE WITH DWAYNE! THEY kept prying and asking and we all laughed about it because of their ongoing attempts to try to get us to say we did, they tried before to get me to go with B ( WELL CALL HIM B) and even then i  reassured them i was happy where i am. so anyhow, after the guys had the room and KRISTY the sister, implied that we can’t fool her, so we laughed and I said “ya we did but shh don’t say nuttin.and again we laughed, i thought she knew it was a fucking joke.

 WE, THE couple Dwayne and I HUNG OUT every Sunday night for three months,

THEY 3 MONTHS LATER TOLD MY BF I CHEATED ON HIM AND MADE A REAL MESS OF THINGS FOR A LITTLE BIT,  WE TALKED,  I THREW A  SHIT FIT AFTER ( i havent been doing good mentally as well as physically,) it brought me over the edge, I  THOUGHT I WOULD DIE LET have a nervous break down.

My BF believes me for more than me just saying it didn’t happen, so I am so lucky i didn’t loose him, in the moment he threw me out and wanted to end it, they would have won and that would have made the hypocrites that have it all wrong HAPPY, BUT INSTEAD THEY NOT ONLY LOST ME FOR A FRIEND THEY HAVE ALSO LOST DWAYNE, GUESS THEIR PLAN BACKFIRED, SUCKERS,

Its been over 2 weeks now, they are talking to their whole family and shit about me, i was VERY CLOSE TO THE MOM, and had friends that are the family, They tell me they believe nothing happened and as far as ROB N KRISTY they are ass holes,                  I am so annoyed by all this, I still think i should go in the hospital, i need to release some Anger, although things have been great with Dwayne and I, but i do know I need to work on somethings.  PEACE ALL


Well, the shots I am still getting every couple weeks, I am not afraid of the injections anymore, in fact i greet them with open arms. NO I am not one who likes pain, however I greet them from the  temporary  pain relief they do give me. I was balanced in my medication program and all was working together nicely, until the morning I woke up looking like the elephant woman. lol. hives and welts every where, YES EVERYWHERE. it was obvious it was my new pain patches, after the dosage had gotten  high enough to work, my body decided ” YA I DON’T THINK SO, YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO, YOU CAN NOT HAVE A DAY OR A WEEK OF MINIMAL PAIN, I JUST WONT HAVE IT!. SO back to the beginning as far as pain management goes, i don’t look forward to the next few weeks. But still happy to be in the pain care clinic, seriously the best thing ever, and all you out there suffering from pain, take my advice and seek a pain care clinic near you, i do think you might need a referral. although I didn’t like learning of all my ailments that I wasn’t aware of, i am also relieved to know, IT WAS NOT ALL FIBROMYALGIA LIKE DOCTORS HAVE ALWAYS SAID. ITS MUCH MORE THAN THAT. BUT knowing what other issues underlie I am able to help  myself more, now that i have knowledge.


LOOK LIKE EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY:) ULCERATIVE COLITIS but is mild to moderate, his stroke symptoms are almost gone, it was so slight:) he wont be so lucky if there is a next time, but hopefully there wont be.Dad is feeling good today, even his damaged legs are holding him up:) YAY. only mission now is His meds,ASACOL. we are working on alternatives and a way to get it..400.00$ doctors r working on it too, and of course me getting home, had a plan for today but moved it up to tomorrow, for a couple of reasons, mainly wanna figure out his meds before mom leaves him for three hours to take me to Portsmouth, where ill be meeting one of my friends which ill grab a ride to Conway, and from Conway I have many  FRIENDS who will get me from there to bring me to maine:) LOL CONFUSED? HAHA I WAS TOO

AS FAR AS MY PAIN…….well slowly its coming back to a full throttle, I have to go another week before I can my shots, so I will probably suffer, but things could be worse, I could be suffering with worrying about dad cuz he was deathly ill, or worse. so I will count my blessings and deal with my pain.

GOOD DAY ALL AND GOD BLESS


 NOV,25TH                       I ALMOST MADE IT HOME…… DAD’s   Doctor called and wants him admitted to the hospital again:( not because of his slight stroke though, he’s having bleeding      through his rectal, and is having stomach issues(he has a large mass on his kidney) and as some of you know, Dad has walking issues too, due to nerve damage because his spine  has around a 45 degree angle, literally amazing he stands at all…
                his legs and feet have now become often cold and numb, his circulation obviously…well probably has none, and he quickly is losing the feeling in both of them, 2 weeks ago only one leg was this bad.:( SO BACK TO NOT GETTING HOME, AND NOT SURE HOW THE HELL ILL GET THERE EITHER, if all goes ok 2moro i will go wed, But i cant let mom take me to Portsmouth and leave Dad, regardless, and i cant ask for a pick up all the way here and back.
AT THE HOSPITAL……………………………

THEY HAVE DONE ALOT OF TESTS, AND ARE GIVING HIM A CAT SCAN AND AN MRI SOON, POOR DAD had a very uncomfortable test and it caused a lot of pain, dad never screams re pain:( we havent got any results yet, but i am certain we will know something today, again i will keep you informed. lets just pray nothing is life threatening:( mostly worried about the mass on his kidney:(.UGHHH THIS IS SO STRESSFUL, and the HOLIDAYS ARE HERE, THATS HARD ENOUGH ALREADY:(


THURSDAY. NOV 22………Happy Thanksgiving!!, im with mom and dad in Boston:)as you know…Dad had a slight stroke the other day, and has a couple other bothersome issues,Im putting my foot down with him and makin him eat and drink and do whatever he needs to help all the underlying issues he has, help him get on a better track, hes doing ok though and is still with us, so i am thankful for that, we made a turkey yesterday cuz Dwayne and bre were here, so today yummy sandwiches, and then ill make soup:) HAVE A BLESSED HAPPY DAY, AND REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR, EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO FIND, DADS STROKE MADE ME REALIZE IT COULD BE WORSE.
DAD’S HOME ALREADY:) being a pain in the ass, being Dad, lol. but its okay. ill take it, but will stay firm with him, he has COPD and refuses to use his inhaler. say’s it doesn’t work………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
I GIVE DAD HIS INHALER AS HE CHOKES TO DEATH….HE HAS BEEN TAKEN FOR 12 MONTHS….I SAY..TAKE IT..HE SAYS…I HAVE A SHIT LOAD OF THOSE THINGS, THEY DONT WORK…I COUNTED..HE HAS 12…..THEY DONT WORK IF YOU DONT TAKE………….LMAO ARE YOU FUKING KIDDING ME…..IM BEGINING TO WONDER?????? HOW SMART IS HE? OFLMAO….I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW DAMN COMMICAL SOMETIMES, AS HES CHOKING AND G…

GASPING FOR AIR, EXPLAINING HOW THOSE “STUPID THING DONT WORK, AND HE SHOULD KNOW, “I HAVE BEEN ON EM FOR A YEAR DENYSE, I SAY MB YOU NEED SOMETHING STRONGER…”FUCK THEM THEY DONT KNOW NOTHING I GOT A SHIT LOAD OF THOSE THINGS IF YOU NEED EM,,,,HAHAHAHAHAHHA    WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? OFLMAO..HES ALL, YA BIG FUKIN JOKE, ISNT IT? DAD’S BACK.

SORRY AGAIN….. that i havent been faithful with the updates re; my new treatment, which by the way.IT DEFINATELY HELPING ME, still have pain, but can function and its way less,UNTILL 2 THE PAST 3 DAYS(ITS BEEN 3 WEEKS THOUGH) I have slowly got more pain and pinched nerves a muscle spasms.. besides apologizing for not keeping my promise, DAD HAS BEEN SICK………..Thtas why i Havent been here, Dad suffered a minor stroke  right before thanksgiving, so of course i came to MASS, i live in Maine, AS SOON AS I HEARD…………HE has since came home from the hospital, he is slowly getting all his memory,functions back, as soon as he gained “HIS NORMAL” he suffered from bleeding of the rectum:(. I know i havent spoke of Dad, but he has a curvature of the spine that’s at a 45 degree angle, so it IS amazing he stands let alone walks, well long story short, hes been struggling with walking for a while now, and also suffers from C.O.P.D. I..just to catch you up quickly………….

TUESDAY NOV 20th,

I AM reaching out to all of you to pray for my DAD. It seems he has fallen a couple of times and we are very concerned. Saturday he fell at his friends and skinned his knee and tonight he fell at home in the kitchen. He told my Mom he felt Dizzy and think he may have blacked out for a minute.

 he said his legs just gave out on him. He does have difficulty walking and uses a cane…. but the dizziness and blacking out concerns me…. Please pray for his fall last night was damaging, he woke up this morning and couldn’t feel his face, 911 came and asked him questions, like whats your name and what day is it?, his answers were all the same, ASK HER. pointing to mom, ‘SHE KNOWS” hes been admitted to the hospital, the doctors are saying he has had a slight stroke, as of now that’s all we know, AGAIN PLEASE PRAY FOR MOM AND DAD, thank you.

WED NOV 21rst.

Dad is still very confused and not  remembering things and people to well, a lot he talks of is the far past, the good news is the stroke wont leave him with any signs, they said after a week  maybe less he will gain his memory and feeling of his face, confusion will get less. he will not suffer any permanent damage, of course he is a high risk for another stroke, and next time he wont be so lucky. but for now WE are all happy of the news.


just an update,

its been 2 WEEKS WED, WHEN I GOT MY FIRST RELIEF OF FIBRO PAIN, IT HAS HIT ME THIS MORNING WITH A TON OF BRICKS AGAIN:( TY TO KELLY AT THE PAIN CARE CLINIC FOR SQUEEZING ME IN TODAY FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF SHOTS A FEW DAYS EARLIER, SO I CAN HAVE A GOOD THANKSGIVING AND VISIT MOM AND DAD IN MASS,:) I SO DON’T MISS FEELING SO BAD AND FOGGY TOO, I THANK GOD AND MY NEW DOCTOR THAT I CAN GET RELIEF, I DON’T KNOW HOW I EVER MANAGED, GOOD DAY ALL.